2016! What Whaaaaaat??!

Hello Loves,

Oh man... it's been a while since I've updated this.  I'm so sorry.  I know I promised updates and I had every intention of keeping it up, but, it's amazing how LIFE gets in the way.  I'm going to keep trying though.  I haven't given up on it, just took a bit of a hiatus.

As most of you know, I hit a major milestone recently.

One year.  One whole year.  52 weeks, 365 days.  Insanity.

I can't even really believe it.  It feels like it was just yesterday and 10 years ago all at once.

I've lost over 200 lbs at this point.  This puts me at almost 1/2 the weight I was when I started this journey.  I think I'm 25 lbs away from LITERALLY being half the human I was a year ago.

 I haven't really been weighing myself lately mostly because I don't have a super steady place to put my scale, so the numbers change constantly... even when only a few seconds have passed.  Its been a bit too frustrating to keep guessing, so I put it away and have been focusing on other signs of weight loss.

I've lost a grand total of 5 clothing sizes.  Now... this may not seem like much to the average sized person, but plus size clothing is sort of a shit show.  The sizes are usually guess work and the differences between them are much larger than that of normal sized clothing.  Plus, if we're honest, the size I WAS wearing is no where near what I SHOULD have been wearing.  I was determined to squeeze myself into a size 28 despite the fact that my pants would literally be so tight they would cut my skin to the point of bleeding.  Ahhhhh the things we do for fashion.  If you can call it that.  Because, again, if we are honest, there isn't much in the way of plus size fashion.  You wear what you can get your grubby, chubby hands on and you be god damn thankful if it fits.

I'm currently wearing somewhere between a size 16 and 18.

Which blows my freaking mind.  Hand to god.  I SAY or TYPE those numbers and I KNOW that is the size of the pants I'm currently sitting in, but, it just doesn't actually click.

I still shop primarly at Torrid.  Because I really like the stuff they have to offer me.  But, I have also added Target and Old Navy to my list of favorite places to go.  Mostly because I like the PRICES they have to offer me.  I can get jeans that fit well for $24?  What??!  Is this some kind of trick or witchcraft?  I'm thinking witchcraft.  Or trick. Maybe witchcraft... probably that.

These seem like simple things to most of you, I'm sure.  Of COURSE you can buy jeans at Target or Old Navy.  Why wouldn't you be able to?  But, it's different when you are a size 28.  They don't carry that size in stores, or, if they do, the clothing isn't styled properly.  What do I mean by that?  Well... you can't acutally just take a regular size shirt and add more fabric to create a plus size shirt.  It doesn't work right that way.  There are curves involved.  It seems most places that don't specialize in plus size clothing don't recognize that phenomenon.  They prefer the "add fabric, charge extra" approach. So you end up with weird boxy-like garbage that looks like crap on you but you buy it anyway because, god DAMN it you just want a fucking shirt that has a cute design and isn't in gold lame and doesn't cost eighty-shit-snacking-dollars and you KNOW this is the only shirt that even fits your body within a 30 mile radius because NOBODY CARRIES YOUR FUCKING SIZE ANYWHERE.

Whoa... so glad I don't have to deal with that anymore.

Because I don't.

Because I don't wear that size anymore.

And I won't.  Ever again.

That is just one small example of things that have changed.  It's probably the smallest thing.  No pun intended.  Unless you're into puns, and then I totally intend.

My life has changed in ways I cannot even really begin to fully express.  I could write this blog for a million years and never fully explain it all.

I'm so much more MOBILE and active.  In big ways and insignificant ones.  I played a little softball over the summer and LOVED it.  I went on a date that involved a walk around a lake and, while terrified at first (residual fat girl fears) I ended up having a great time.  I don't mind walking up stairs or fear parking far away anymore.  I can walk through bars and crowded areas with MUCH more ease.  A day of shopping doesn't end with me wishing I could just sit down.  I went out dancing... all night... and woke up the next day and I could move.  I didn't have pain radiating from my toes to my hips.  Is THIS what normal girls feel like?  Just... pain free and okay?  I could get used to this FOR SURE.

I can cross my legs.  And I do... A lot.  I never get tired of the view. 

I bought my very first pair of knee high boots.  They are GORGEOUS.  Black, genuine leather, riding style boots.  I'm in LOVE with them.  Again... this is insignificant to most people, but when I was a size 28 my calves were too big for the average boot maker.  They were too big for extended calf boots.  I was left with specialty companies that KNEW my situation and used that to their advantage.  $80 for fake-leather-ugly-as-sin-peices-of-shit-uncomfortable-boots?  Duh.  Because you'll pay for them because it's the only option you HAVE.

I wear them with a cute pair of jeggings.  That are tight on my tookus and I think they look great on me.  What the actual fuck?  Who AM I?

I have a boyfriend now.  Which... is a thing that should probably be a blog all of it's own.  And I'm guessing will be.

I'm crazy about him. 

That's us at Ella's ballet recital.

I wish I could say that having him in my life wasn't a direct result of having gastric bypass surgery.  I wish I could believe that we would have found each other and he would have seen me and loved me no matter what, but, come on now.... we live in a world where to think that is Disney-esque horse-shit.  We all know better.  It's not pleasant to think that this person I love wouldn't have even given me a chance if we'd met a year ago.  It hurts a little... or maybe a lot.  Depends on how much I focus on it.   

He and I have talked about it, but we try not to dwell on it because there's nothing to be done.  It's not his fault.  I wouldn't have fucked me back then either.  And maybe he would have.  We don't know.  We CAN'T know.  It really doesn't matter anyway.  We found each other at the RIGHT time and we're happy NOW.

I'm just generally happier about everything in life.  I can handle the ups and the downs a lot better.  There is less tired.  Less depression.  More goodness.  More cheer.  More walks.  More snuggles.  More adventures...  Just... MORE.

I love you all.  I'll post more, I PROMISE!!

~ Mamy ~